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My Snarky Valentine

We've all seen 'em and munched 'em -- those Valentine's Day candy conversation hearts that beg, "Let's Kiss," "Marry Me," "Hug Me," or simply say "Love You." (More modern versions say, "Email me.")

These were cute when we were in fourth grade and stuffing tiny cards into shoeboxes glued with red construction paper, but things are different now. We've grown through hookups and breakups and maybe a kid or two. We're worried about jobs and mortgages, and maybe we're not up this year for "I'm Yours."

Happily for the snarky among us, there are now non-mushy alternatives. How about: "U Left Seatup," "Dork Magnet," "Do My Dishes," or "Dog Is Cuter"? Despair, Inc., home of those great Demotivators posters, comes to the rescue with "Bittersweets -- Valentine's Day Candy For the Rest of Us." Choose a tin of grumpy candy hearts for the Dysfunctional, Dumped, and Dejected. Sounding about right?

My favorite part is where they say, "Available in six different flavors, including: Banana Chalk, Grape Dust, Nappy-Citric, You-Call-This-Lime?, Pink Sand and Fossilized Antacid."

For more options, check out the CafePress "American Angst" collection, featuring not only pithy uncute quotes like "Stoopid," "F*** Off," and "Insert Quote Here," but also peace, gay, question mark, dollar sign and recycling symbols, and of course the ever-romantic "biohazard candy heart."

(There are even raunchier candy-heart sayings floating around the Net, but my parents read this blog sometimes so you'll have to surf for yourself.)

Hope I haven't rained on any lovebirds' parade, but sometimes -- whether you're in a relationship or not -- you've just gotta laugh!

Happy Valentine's Day.

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( 2 comments — Leave a comment )
Feb. 15th, 2009 05:11 pm (UTC)
Too bad I saw this too late to get some!!
Feb. 15th, 2009 08:16 pm (UTC)
valentine day
Laughing is healthy and I remember the wonder of the Valentine and if my secret sweetheart would give me a valentine and a candy.. now who cares all it means is calories..

Hope your day was great..

Dorothy from grammology
( 2 comments — Leave a comment )