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Is election news making you barf? Then here's the perfect gift for your Red or Blue Stater: Fake vomit.

Read all about it: http://www.chicagotribune.com/features/chi-1212vomitdec12,1,6662746.story

I can honestly say I hadn't considered the corporate side of fake puke. I'm quite impressed with what seems to be their quality of workmanship. After all, when you want to buy someone some imitation upchuck, you want only the best.

The more I think about it, the better the idea gets. Because in America today, there seems to be more and more to retch about: Bills, the healthcare system, George W. Bush. Why not show your favorite friend or relative that you feel their queasiness at the world situation? A tastefully-wrapped package of pseudo-spew will do nicely, along with a sympathetic little note like this: "I understand your job is making you sick. So I'm saving you the trouble."

What better way to show your love?

I'm also thinking of the possibilities here for folks in the throes of career change. It's a great time to update your resume so you're positioned to be on the cutting edge of the regurgitation revolution!

And if you really need a mental-health day, just sneak into your office at 7 a.m. and leave a little "sample" on your desk. By the time anyone tries to clean it up, it'll be early afternoon and you'll have been napping happily at home for six hours.

The one thing I worry about is the poor president of this company, slaving away so others may find the hurl of their dreams. When he comes down with a truly miserable stomach bug, who'll believe it?

[This post is dedicated to a kid I know who will never outgrow the joy of chanting "the urge to regurge." And my readers should note that I declined to add any visual aids to this post. You're welcome.]

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