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News Withdrawal: Not a Pretty Sight



Any addict will sympathize with this one.

I was on my way into McDonald's this morning and stopped at the USA Today vending machine. With the New Hampshire primary tomorrow, and the paper's above-the-fold headline blaring "Poll: Obama, McCain Gain," I dug into my purse for 75 cents. (Just keeping up with current events. I can stop anytime I want. Really.)

There was only one paper left, so I fed coins into the machine as quickly as I could. Quarter, dime, dime, dime...

Mission accomplished. I pulled the box door open.

Only it didn't open.

I pulled and pulled; the door stayed stuck. I wondered if I had miscounted my change. I pushed the button to get my money back; all the machine spit out was a quarter. I shoved it back in, along with another dime.

Nothing.

That's when I began having withdrawal symptoms. This *@$%&* machine was keeping me from my election news! I fed it another quarter. I pulled the door harder. I tilted the machine backward.

Nothing.

Desperation began to claw at me. I marched into the Golden Arches, walked up to the woman behind the counter and explained my problem.

She couldn't have been sweeter. She asked which machine it was (apparently the box next to it is usually the temperamental one), then she turned to the shelf behind her and got me a copy of USA Today.

I thanked her profusely, and then sat down happily with Barack, Hillary and my Egg McMuffin.

But I have to ask: Are there 12-step meetings for news junkies?

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